I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
