i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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