I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
