I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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