we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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