Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
