Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is not my ceiling
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.