Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
