sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My first STD was from a foam party
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
