stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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