Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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