I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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