Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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