dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
