I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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