riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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