dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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