I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
