shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
