just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
