Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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