America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
