Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
