I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize