based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
