sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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