Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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