Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
