My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
