she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
