No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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