How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
