Kiss
Puke
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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