We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we're making bets on your personal life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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