I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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