saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
