if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
