Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Come on in and take your pants off
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