Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
