Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
