New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
