If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
