I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
