This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my liver is dry heaving
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
