he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
