so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
