Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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