That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
