i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
