I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
