i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dad just said "fuck circus"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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