oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
