Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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