Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
