So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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