and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
