I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
