I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
