I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
