My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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