Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
