For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
