now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.