I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.