i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.