Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate