dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?