a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.