Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
