we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
